Wanna Go Swimming?

I'm overweight and over-forty but if there's water around, you'll find me in a bathing suit. I love being in water. My favorite view is of sunshine sparkling on water. I love swimming in water filled with those light sparkles, especially diving down to the bottom of a pool and looking up as the bubbles rise to the sun covered surface. To see the water sheen on my arms as they lift out of the water mid-stroke fills me with such well-being.
In the wee small hours of Saturday morning I made a discovery: This past year I'd been sitting on the sidelines.
 Disillusionment over my agent suddenly quitting and lies she told her clients shook me and made me decide Hope was overrated. We moved and left family, friends, familiarity and in all the turmoil I decided Hope just wasn't worth it. When talks with a new agent went well or life offered a welcoming hand in our new home, Hope looked like an eager puppy wanting to be friends. After an initial smile and greeting (old habits die hard), I'd remember and issue a polite, "No, Thank You."
But then in the darkness of a sleepless Saturday night I saw it. Hope is a sun-sparkled, deep blue pool - and there I am sitting on the side. Denying myself the joy, the giddiness, the peace that comes with Hope was just as much a choice as choosing to stay dry on a hot summer day.
So, I'm jumping in.
Anybody else want to go swimming?