Let Go? Not sure about that. . .

Gardenia perfume greeted me on our back deck this morning from the two bushes we planted by the pool our first summer here. Those tiny camilla bushes which promised blooms in January when we'd be in the hot tub, are now twelve feet high. Forsynthia bushes fill the yard with yellow sprays in early spring and they are all from cuttings out of my parents yard. On a path in the backyard bright orange and yellow Oriental lilies will bloom soon and remind me of how Mike's dad sent them as little bits of green a decade ago. How can we leave all this beauty? All the memories?
But we will, because it's time to let go. Time for this home which has sheltered and held us to be home for another family. I think of them often. Pray for them often. Not sure it's possible, but I hope they laugh here as much as we did. I hope they find peace and joy and love here. I hope they gather the gardenias to bring that heady smell indoors. I hope they enjoy the shade from the maples which sprung up where no evidence of the trees that fell in the tornado still exists.
Letting go is hard, but letting go when it's time is the only way to keep an open heart and open hands.
Wonder if the people in our future home are praying for us? Not that's a cool thought.

Fully Aware?

Lights on in all the rooms. Doors opening and closing. And opening and closing. Driveway as busy as Hartfield runways. Requests for help on the computer, to sew on a button, food. Clutter magically appearing like trails left by slugs.
Yep, some of the kids were home this weekend.
There were reasons to be here including a wedding, interviews, packing for camp, trying on a dress for sorority rush, taking home stuff they don't want moved to Jacksonville, and to wave at us as they passed through on their way to and fro.
Wow - hard to believe that was how we used to live. It seems so hectic and loud and chaotic but at the time it was just busy - and fun. We truly enjoyed it. I think that's why we don't miss it. We lived it and appreciated it and now have moved on to another part of our life.
Mama told me a long time ago that was the way to avoid regrets. Live the moment so fully aware, that regrets never get any room to even begin.
Being Fully Aware. Takes time. Takes feeling. Takes intention.Yes, being Fully Aware takes alot.
But it gives so much more.

Moving is Scary!

Yep, we're hitting the road and moving to Jacksonville, Florida. We're so excited. . .
And sad.
We've loved our twelve years here and have some amazing friends. Our kids are fairly close by and we love our house (and the pool, of course). But. . . the adventure calls to us. It feels right.
And you want to know how blessed I am? Our friends and family are excited for us. In the midst of Daddy's health problems, I didn't like telling Mama we were moving six more hours down the road. Yet, first words out of her mouth were, "What a great adventure!" She'll never know what that did to let us relax and enjoy this move.
And that's the kind of parent I want to be. A parent who meets every opportunity my kids face with enthusiasm and joy. That's the kind of friend I want to be, the kind of wife I want to be.
Making it easier for those close to me to seize the adventures opening up to them sounds like a worthy goal to have.
But it also sounds pretty scary.

What's Your Message?

Ever see a celebrity advertising a product and wonder why they were chosen for that product? Usually it's not too hard, right? That's because that person fits the message the advertiser wants to send. Then we all know of the cases where a celebrity looses their endorsments because they fail to uphold the message. Funny thing about that is they may loose their wholesome, family product endorsement, but they then they show up somewhere else - suddenly fitting a whole new message.
I met with my agent last week and while the food and drinks she provided were great (and very appreciated) she provided something more important. She gave me back my vision. My vision for what I do in my writing. My vision for the future of the agency. My vision of myself.
She helped me remember the message I want to fit and she encouraged me that it was the right message for me to fit.
What are you endorsing today? What message do you fit? Is it the one you want to fit? Are you trying to fit too many messages? Do you confuse the folks around you-even the ones who know you best?
Finding, and then fitting, our own special message is important. We get to give life to a message - make sure it's worth your time and trouble.

This is Crazy, This is Crazy, This is Crazy

"This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy." Now, those of you belonging to the culturally elite are picturing Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) in "Vacation" standing on a hotel pool diving board swinging his arms back and forth. What is he calling crazy? That he's getting ready to jump into the pool where a dreamy model (Christie Brinkley) waits. She's naked, and not his wife.
Haven't we all stood on the edge of something, thinking jumping would be crazy and yet . . . Applying to that beyond dream college, asking out that girl you just met, signing enlistment papers, moving to the other side of the world - state - city, deciding to be a parent-then deciding to do it again, and again, changing careers instead of checking out retirement options.
And yet we jump.
Recently, talking to my agent I asked, "Am I delusional?" She laughed and said, "No, you have a vision."
But seriously, when that chant of "This is crazy" gets to going, don't you feel delusional? I sure do. And if I'm not careful I can let the fear of being delusional keep me from jumping. Making sure I'm connected with my vision helps me spot when I might actually be deluded. Good to remember.
What do you want to jump in to but fear of delusion is clouding your vision? Even harder for me to ask myself is this - Who in my life is ready to jump but I'm feeding their delusion monster?
Clark was right, for him jumping was crazy. But if it fits the vision we've been given, isn't it crazier not to jump?