Thursday, November 12, 2009

If Mama ain't happy . . .

The sunshine is back. It's streaming in the kitchen door behind me and flooding the room. Colors left on the trees glow this morning. The birds are happier. I just saw two big black crows chasing each other like a couple of fun-loving finches. Bright illumination of the house makes me want, want, to clean.
Strikes me that I would allow something so completely out of my control to dictate my mood. That doesn't sound very smart. But I do. As a mother another thing that has power over my days is whats going on in my kids lives. It's easier now that I don't live with them to pretend they live in constant sunshine and daisies. And then there is that rubbing off of Mike's feelings onto my feelings.
Yet these people all have different dispositions than mine. Some are sunny, some are not. Why would I take on their discord and wear it? I know they take on mine - sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. I once had a coffee cup that said, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
One of my life quotes is "I won't let you steal my joy." When I hand my happiness, my joy off to someone else to manage - a spouse, a child, a boss, coworkers, an agent, family, friends - I'm asking for trouble. These folks all have different agenda's and problems and my happiness is just not always as high on their priority list as I think it should be.
But then, seriously - am I really taking that great of care of the happiness of the people around me? Who did I let down that I never even realized?
Hmmm, I guess God is the only one I should let my happiness, my joy depend on.
Can I get a big, duh?

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