Finally I feel ready to start the new year. Earlier this month I blogged about 2010 feeling sketchy http://kayshostak.blogspot.com/2010/01/2010-feels-little-sketchy.html
And that feeling has persisted, even as the calendar ignored me and kept moving forward. Mike was headed to the airport yesterday around the same time I was driving past it headed home. So last night I rested from the trip, unpacked, and watched several hours of mindless TV - all in a quiet, clean house. And this morning feels like a new year. Not sure why. But I'm filled with new thoughts of doing things different, better. Eating, writing, living, doing - all those feelings I so look forward to when the Christmas decorations come down - usually. This year they didn't come - maybe it was the whole fear thing about not sure what 2010 holds.
And maybe it was just a hangover from all the swell of emotions and highs of 2009. It was an exciting, life-changing year in so many ways. How many times have I said in this blog I want to feel it all, not miss a moment, pay attention to the details? And I do - that's who I am. But that comes with a cost. Obviously, everything does.
When 2009 ended, it felt like when you drag yourself out of the ocean away from the waves and undertows which brought laughter, fear, exhilaration - and fall onto the sand.
But now, toweled off and having caught my breath, I'm ready for what comes next. I'm thankful for the passage of time, which I would've stopped until I was ready. Good thing I'm not in charge of that, isn't it? And I'm thankful for the knowledge that perceptions change. If we give them time and space - and don't fight those changes too hard.
Happy New Year!