I'm a tad bit scared, I think.
Usually I can't wait to get all the Christmas decorations down and put away. Usually, the idea of a bare house excites me and the beginning of a new year finds me more than ready to jump in with both feet. But for some reason that's not the case this year. So I've been trying to figure out what's going on.
Am I not sure what 2010 will look like? Possibly. When I first talked to my agent and she told me the plan for turning my manuscript into a book, she cautioned. "Now, this may take a while. It may take as long as six months."
Six Months! How can anyone think that's a long time? I know I've talked confidently and written like someone will one day read all those words, but a book? A real contract, for a real book this summer? My head just won't quite hold that idea.
And other things are happening which fall into that category of one day - some day - a long time from now. Good friends are expecting grandbabies. Huh? We have a married son and another one sprinting down the aisle. I know about diapers and elementary school meet and greets and driver's licenses, and sports camps -but I don't remember the chapter in the baby books about them getting married. Married? And in May both boys will graduate, one from college and one from grad school. Okay, we planned for them to go to college - but, uh, seriously - they're done? Really? Lizzy is applying for an extended overseas mission trip for the summer - now who thinks that's a good idea? She's only 8 or so, right? Oh, yeah, she turns 19 this month.
So maybe 2010 looks a little sketchy to me right now. Sketchy - what a good word for how I feel. Both in it's new usage, meaning not quite right and it's original art meaning of a preliminary drawing.
Anybody else out there feeling sketchy? And how are you handling it? For me, it's helped to put it down in black and white this morning and I think I'll do some cleaning today of a closet or two. I feel the need to put things in order and get ready -----
--- for Whatever!
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3 comments:
Oh Kaye, you are so right. Your kid milestones are now their own in a way. It helps me to remember the excitement I felt at their age where everything was open to touch and feel. So many decisions, yet so many opportunities. I will say, my biggest issue (and I'm sure you won't have it) is just staying out of the way...there are so many things I want to tell them to be careful about and yet, they have to learn on their own. Having my mom here this week reminded me of this.
That's great, Lisa. They seem so young and so inexperienced and yet we were so well prepared and adult. Yeah, right! Thanks for the reminder!
Oh yeah! Sketchy for sure in 2010. Am I ready for whatever is coming my way? Will I know how to handle my emotions as well as the girls? Will we feel like a normal family in 2010, or will it take until 2011 to settle into this new family? Yada, yada, yada.........
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