In my reading this morning of the first of Madeline L'engel's Crosswick's journals she shares her word of that summer - "Ontological" It's a word about being. Who we are. Who I am.
This existence which does not depend on my recognition that I actually exist. We can move through life without appreciating or even recognizing what we are made of. Who we are.
How very hard it seems to actually be aware of our existence. To see myself as a part in this whole. To appreciate not only my 'being', but every other person's 'being' as well. Full of thoughts, interior conversations, feelings, doubts, joy - and everything.
Is it possible to really see ourselves?
Who of us has not seen more in our children, our friends, our spouse, than they see in themselves?
What if we could get a glimpse, just a glimpse of what God saw in us when he first thought of us? Would the shame eat us alive? Would our disappointment cause us to cease all trying?
I don't think so. I think God is too much in this moment. He's too aware of our being at this moment. He's not hemmed in by the past and the future.
So in my limited way - I turn myself to being.
You think God's laughing yet?